Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Friday, August 05, 2011
God Saves Even The Meth Addict...
When I was 15 years old my mother moved from Las Vegas Nevada to a little dinky town about 50 miles away... Pahrump... Oh how I despise Pahrump... It makes me think in grouch mode... Harumph... During my short 6 months or so living there my life was spiraling out of control.
I was separated from my boyfriend Eddie when we moved to Pahrump. I felt tricked into leaving him behind and was very unhappy about it. At one point my mother would drive me into Vegas where she worked and I would hang out at Eddie's house during the day and go home with her at night. It became more and more difficult to talk my mother into letting me do this so on the last trip I hid from her and had Eddie's mother tell my mother that I had not showed up at all that day. Three days later my mother found me and drug me back to Pahrump.
I spent the next few weeks stealing pot from my mothers boyfriend and going horseback riding... Yes an odd combination but that's what I did. I was alone with my mother gone to work all day, no friends, both of my brothers were staying with their father's and I had no friends. After a few weeks of being alone I left the house one night intent on riding a bicycle to Vegas... 50 miles away...
I rode less than one mile before I became exhausted so instead, ditched the bike, grabbed my back pack and began to walk... I didn't make it to the edge of town before a man stopped to offer me a ride. I accepted... By the grace of almighty God I am here to tell my tale.
I made it to my boyfriends house where I spent a few weeks or months I can't remember. I lied about my age to get a job at a Pizza shop where I rode the bus and worked for almost a month before they began to harass me to get a health card. I wasn't old enough to be working in the state of Nevada at the time so there was no way I was going to be able to get a health card. I waited until pay day and just never went back. It didn't take long for Eddie and I to break up and then I decided it'd be a good idea to call my mom and go back home.
When I went home my boyfriends sister came to live with me for a few weeks. We met some boys at the park one day and went to a party with them. I never went back home, which led to her having to move back home. I stayed with my new "friends" for while... I can't even remember how long.
During my stay I lived on beer for a while. I ate when they offered me food but never felt comfortable enough to ask for food. They didn't eat that much... I discovered why when they decided to use me for their personal amusement when they began feeding me methamphetamine's. They found me quite entertaining as I hallucinated, picked my scalp, cleaned their house etc. etc... I'll keep this part short and sweet. I asked my "friend" Alan to please take me home one night when I couldn't bear to be in a room with a light on because I was so sure my scalp was oozing liquid. I think I washed my hair 20 times in one day. I literally thought my head was opening up and releasing oils or something. It was terrifying.
Alan dropped me off at my mothers front door. It was locked. I thought for sure she was in there and was just not letting me in. I banged on the door until my hands were sore and then I slumped down on the porch to feel sorry for myself. Looking across the yard at my mothers boyfriends mothers house (yea I know it's confusing) I saw (or thought I saw) my mother, her boyfriend and his mother and brothers sitting on the back porch laughing at me. I was so angry I got up and took off running down the road. The brothers came after me and I wrestled free when they caught me and the next thing I remember I was in the parking lot of the local grocery store. I found someone who gave me a ride back to my mothers house.
When I arrived I once again knocked on the door. This time my mother answered in her pajama's... I cried and told her how mean they all were for laughing at me. She swore it never happened. I suppose I imagined the whole thing or maybe it did happen. In my mind... it happened.
My mother made me a sandwich that I almost couldn't eat. My mouth hurt so badly and I hadn't eaten in so long that it just wouldn't go down. Her boyfriend made fun of me the entire time... He said I was faking, lying etc. I'm not sure what he meant I was faking or lying about.
I spent the next few days either running off to find my "friends" or locked in the bathroom wishing I could die. My older brother was visiting from Missouri and he tried to be a friend to me but I was too far gone. I wouldn't listen to anyone. My mother couldn't deal with me anymore, so she bought me a plain ticket and sent me to Missouri to become my fathers problem.
I won't go into all the details right now of how much of a problem I was for my father. I'm only telling this story to show that God saved me. People laugh if I tell them I was a meth addict that got shipped off to Missouri to get away from the meth. Apparently Missouri was the Meth capital of the United States at the time I came here. It might still be, I don't know. The miracle of all this is that in spite of Meth being so popular here I was not able to continue my addiction when I moved. I did find a supply a time or two but it was never a consistent supply. I know that God kept me from it. I don't understand why He chose to save me but He did. I was worthless but He saved me.
I watched a National Geographic Documentary this morning. "World's Most Dangerous Drug." I have been struggling so much recently with a bunch of miscellaneous things in my life. It's all piddly stuff. Things that don't matter at all! This morning God reminded me where He brought me from. I saw myself and what I could have become in the poor souls portrayed in this film. God saved me. He plucked me out of the wretchedness that I was in and set me aside for a purpose. That purpose is to glorify Him. I'm praying I can put aside all these things that don't bring glory to God. I'm praying for all the lost souls in this world that they would hear Jesus. Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
I was separated from my boyfriend Eddie when we moved to Pahrump. I felt tricked into leaving him behind and was very unhappy about it. At one point my mother would drive me into Vegas where she worked and I would hang out at Eddie's house during the day and go home with her at night. It became more and more difficult to talk my mother into letting me do this so on the last trip I hid from her and had Eddie's mother tell my mother that I had not showed up at all that day. Three days later my mother found me and drug me back to Pahrump.
I spent the next few weeks stealing pot from my mothers boyfriend and going horseback riding... Yes an odd combination but that's what I did. I was alone with my mother gone to work all day, no friends, both of my brothers were staying with their father's and I had no friends. After a few weeks of being alone I left the house one night intent on riding a bicycle to Vegas... 50 miles away...
I rode less than one mile before I became exhausted so instead, ditched the bike, grabbed my back pack and began to walk... I didn't make it to the edge of town before a man stopped to offer me a ride. I accepted... By the grace of almighty God I am here to tell my tale.
I made it to my boyfriends house where I spent a few weeks or months I can't remember. I lied about my age to get a job at a Pizza shop where I rode the bus and worked for almost a month before they began to harass me to get a health card. I wasn't old enough to be working in the state of Nevada at the time so there was no way I was going to be able to get a health card. I waited until pay day and just never went back. It didn't take long for Eddie and I to break up and then I decided it'd be a good idea to call my mom and go back home.
When I went home my boyfriends sister came to live with me for a few weeks. We met some boys at the park one day and went to a party with them. I never went back home, which led to her having to move back home. I stayed with my new "friends" for while... I can't even remember how long.
During my stay I lived on beer for a while. I ate when they offered me food but never felt comfortable enough to ask for food. They didn't eat that much... I discovered why when they decided to use me for their personal amusement when they began feeding me methamphetamine's. They found me quite entertaining as I hallucinated, picked my scalp, cleaned their house etc. etc... I'll keep this part short and sweet. I asked my "friend" Alan to please take me home one night when I couldn't bear to be in a room with a light on because I was so sure my scalp was oozing liquid. I think I washed my hair 20 times in one day. I literally thought my head was opening up and releasing oils or something. It was terrifying.
Alan dropped me off at my mothers front door. It was locked. I thought for sure she was in there and was just not letting me in. I banged on the door until my hands were sore and then I slumped down on the porch to feel sorry for myself. Looking across the yard at my mothers boyfriends mothers house (yea I know it's confusing) I saw (or thought I saw) my mother, her boyfriend and his mother and brothers sitting on the back porch laughing at me. I was so angry I got up and took off running down the road. The brothers came after me and I wrestled free when they caught me and the next thing I remember I was in the parking lot of the local grocery store. I found someone who gave me a ride back to my mothers house.
When I arrived I once again knocked on the door. This time my mother answered in her pajama's... I cried and told her how mean they all were for laughing at me. She swore it never happened. I suppose I imagined the whole thing or maybe it did happen. In my mind... it happened.
My mother made me a sandwich that I almost couldn't eat. My mouth hurt so badly and I hadn't eaten in so long that it just wouldn't go down. Her boyfriend made fun of me the entire time... He said I was faking, lying etc. I'm not sure what he meant I was faking or lying about.
I spent the next few days either running off to find my "friends" or locked in the bathroom wishing I could die. My older brother was visiting from Missouri and he tried to be a friend to me but I was too far gone. I wouldn't listen to anyone. My mother couldn't deal with me anymore, so she bought me a plain ticket and sent me to Missouri to become my fathers problem.
I won't go into all the details right now of how much of a problem I was for my father. I'm only telling this story to show that God saved me. People laugh if I tell them I was a meth addict that got shipped off to Missouri to get away from the meth. Apparently Missouri was the Meth capital of the United States at the time I came here. It might still be, I don't know. The miracle of all this is that in spite of Meth being so popular here I was not able to continue my addiction when I moved. I did find a supply a time or two but it was never a consistent supply. I know that God kept me from it. I don't understand why He chose to save me but He did. I was worthless but He saved me.
I watched a National Geographic Documentary this morning. "World's Most Dangerous Drug." I have been struggling so much recently with a bunch of miscellaneous things in my life. It's all piddly stuff. Things that don't matter at all! This morning God reminded me where He brought me from. I saw myself and what I could have become in the poor souls portrayed in this film. God saved me. He plucked me out of the wretchedness that I was in and set me aside for a purpose. That purpose is to glorify Him. I'm praying I can put aside all these things that don't bring glory to God. I'm praying for all the lost souls in this world that they would hear Jesus. Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
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