Note To ZackGCSO Domestic Abuse: It's not ok! Ever!

Thank you Zack from the Green County Sheriff's Office for kindly lighting a fire under my ass this morning and helping me continue to do what is right.

ZackGCSO said...

I will start off by saying I am sorry for what you have been through! However I believe there are facts that you have left out of both of your recent posts. And I know Eric and I also have been around you and seen you in action. How many times were Deputies at your past residence when you Drunk had been drinking or appeared on a controlled substance? The reports show every time! What about the methamphetamine Charges against you at the local police department? As of dealing with people who abuse controlled substances you were not in your right state of mind most of the time and both of your post seem to relate to what normal people would do given that had to deal with your actions. Just for the future posts might write in there your wrongs before you try to ruin the face of someone else who put up with you over and over again trying to get you to quit abusing drugs and alcohol.

7:59 AM 

My first post yesterday was a jumbled up mess of emotion spilling out through my keyboard and I sincerely apologize if I neglected to shine a brighter light on any wrongdoing on my part.  As far as methamphetamine charges that are mentioned in Zack's comment, I didn't see the importance of focusing on that aspect as I had already publicly and humbly acknowledged that fact months ago in a Facebook post that you can freely view here.... Facebook Post  You say you know Erich?  Well I know him better.  You also don't know me nor do you care to.  Your focus is to defend an abuser and you sir are wrong.

The phone call I'm posting today is one from December 29th 2018.  I was attempting to call my daughter and have her pick me up because I was once again being kicked out of my home.  Erich felt it was acceptable to take any opportunity to snoop through my computers, phone, mail, possessions etc.  I was happy to allow him access to anything he needed because I agree that when trust is broken it takes a whole of of patience and transparency to rebuild trust.  However, I deserved the same respect and care which Erich refused to offer.  His view was somehow that I should just be thankful I got to live in the house I helped pay for and maintain and follow his rules that only applied to me.  I had nothing to hide so it didn't matter that he snooped but the principal still stands.

Erich and I have always drank together.  We used to have fun together.  Each time deputies were called to our residence I had not been the only one slurping beers...  Even if I had been it's perfectly legal for me to drink as often as I choose and as much as I choose in my own home.  One of the forms of control that I've endured over the last four years is the constant change in what is expected of me with no notice or compromise.  It only became unacceptable for me to drink beer in the last few weeks.

On December 29th I was working in the basement trying to unpack and organize my mess of a life to hopefully restart doing what I enjoy, selling books and randomness online.  I didn't have a car and I when I was allowed the use of Erich's truck it was only during certain hours of the day during hunting season.  I had sent a message to my sons father on Facebook which was simple and basic.  "I'll trade you a couple coupons if you bring me a six pack of beer on your way through Fair Grove."  This is the conversation that was getting me kicked out of the house again.  No one else was present to witness the raging monster that decided at that time I needed to be punished.  No one was there to witness the hours of provoking, mocking, belittling, accusing and name calling that led up to what you hear in the phone call.  After having him do all of this and I was trying to leave Erich took my phone from me.  The phone call to my daughter didn't get disconnected.  You can hear it all.  I was trying to leave and I was a hysterical wreck.  One minute I'm being kicked out and the next minute I'm not allowed to leave.  No one has the right to keep me against my will that is abuse.  No one has the right to take my phone and limit who I can communicate with, that is abuse. No one has the right to provoke me to the point of insanity and then blame me for reacting.  THAT IS ALL ABUSE! Stop excusing it!  I accept blame for my wrongs, blame me, hold me accountable, I accept that but stop thinking it is ok to hold me to a standard of measure that you refuse to hold Erich to as well.

Erich has the power to portray himself as innocent as if somehow one second I am normal and then for no reason at all I flip out.  There has always been a reason and if you choose to focus on me being wrong in all things and excusing abusive behavior that's ok.  Anyone who makes that choice has the freedom to make it.  I have the freedom to finally stand up for myself and for others who endure the same thing.  It isn't right and the fact that I finally have the courage to say what he's done to me isn't right doesn't mean I excuse or hide any bad behavior on my part.  I fully acknowledge I also contributed to every fight.  My biggest mistake has been to try to reason, beg, argue and hope that anything would ever change.

December 29th 2018