God gave me an over active brain... I seriously think TOO much... I never realized it before but it's true... It could be one of the biggest problems in my life. I keep a journal for myself and one for each of my three kids... and my blog... I am constantly writing stuff in my journal or talking about how I can do this better or how I should do that better... When I get in an argument with my husband I always manage to make it worse by trying to analyze every single detail to figure out exactly what "really" happened. I cannot "just drop it" I have to TALK so that my brain can come to terms with whatever compromise I have to make or whatever apology I owe. I need to find the OFF button on my brain.

Anyway I had another strange dream last night. I wasn't going to write about it cause I'm not sure if I even remember it correctly but I'm going to give it a shot.

I was sent to live in this huge mansion with a very strange family. There was this lady who I don't even recall very much of other than she was training me for something... to be lady like or something like that. Then there was this guy who was like a prince and he and I were secretly having a relationship, but I didn't know he was a prince I just thought he was just a worker at the mansion.

So I go through all these weird tests like how to dress proper and how to look pretty blah blah blah you get the picture, and all the while I am being prepared by this woman to go "live" somewhere... I have it in my head that it's some nice place somewhere that I am going to be the boss of... so that is the reason for all the lessons.

Anyway we set off for my new home one day and this is the part that I remember really well. We get in this car and it's freezing cold outside, there is snow and ice everywhere. My Prince fellow comes along but I don't know it, I think I'm just leaving the mansion for good to go to my new home. Anyway the woman turns out to have this evil plan to commit me to a really scary mental institution because she is angry over my secret relationship with the Prince guy. That is why he is coming along so he can save me from the bad place :p

So we get there and I'm really excited about starting my new life and from the outside this institution is really scary looking, but here I am trying to be positive. I am also very trusting of this woman whoever she is and I figure it must be ok if she chose this to be my new home. So when we step out of the car my prince and one of his friends are there with us. The woman doesn't say much and neither does he as we go inside.

Ok now this place is straight from the worst horror movie's. I am not even going to go into detail cause it was a really scary part in my dream. There were horrible insane people doing terrible disgusting things. I can't believe I even have that kind of stuff in my brain where I would dream something like that. It was really really bad. Anyway when I realize that the woman who I'd trusted was leaving me here in this horrible place to live I realized that she wasn't good after all but horribly mean. So then my prince steps in and tells me he has come to save me from this place and I can come back to the mansion and live with him and he is going to make the woman live here in my place.

I am happy and I have this overwhelming love for the prince and then the weirdest thing happens. We go outside and he tells me that he lied to me and he wasn't a worker at the mansion and he was a prince and he loves me so much. Ok then I go and do the dumbest of all dumb things. I decide that I'm angry with him because of his lie and I would rather live in this scary place than with him... WHAT??? Even though he is telling me how much he loves me and my heart is filled with pain thinking I won't be with him if I live in the scary place. I decide of my own free will to live without him instead of forgiving him.

I woke up after that and I kept trying to go back to sleep so I could make myself change the ending... but I never did get back into that dream :p But I was so mad at myself. I think in a way I am like that in real life. I have so many good things with my husband but the second he makes me mad I bull up and get angry. I would rather be miserable sometimes than forgive or admit to doing wrong. Outwardly I try to forgive and admit when I'm wrong but I have a feeling that in my heart I am still holding on to things that have made me mad. It seems so stupid now after having that dream and I know it probably doesn't make sense I have a hard time saying what I mean a lot of times, but I think in a way that dream helped me. Do you think God shows us things in our dreams? I've always had weird dreams and I know it's a subconscious thing but I just feel like there was something to this one.