Starting at the beginning of my day things were running smoothly. I woke up this morning and went to the grocery store to get some things to make for the Chastain funeral lunch this afternoon. I was home by 8:30 am. I picked up our dinner mess from last night and cleaned up the rest of the house. I started cooking after that and cleaning the kitchen. I made cocktail meatballs, cheesy mashed potatoes and baked beans. Chris's aunt Sue said the family was expecting around 75 guests maybe more, for the dinner and she said we needed lots of food. So instead of my usual one dish I made the three.

Things started getting hectic. We needed to be at the church at 11:30, the lunch started at noon. I wasn't able to get into the shower until 11:00! Chris closed the store and came home to help me get the kids ready PRAISE GOD. I would have been so late without his help. We made it to the church at 11:45 and oh my goodness! I've never seen so much food. I think this was the biggest dinner our church has ever put together. There were probably 75 to 85 guests plus all of the church members who were helping prepare the dinner. There was so much food left over. When it was time to go home everyone was sharing their leftovers and I ended up with a whole meal for the family tonight.

Anyway the funeral for Wilma Chastain was so lovely. The family was so wonderful trying to make me feel good about singing and Gail Chastain, Wilma's husband is so special to Chris and I. I feel so blessed to be asked to do such a thing as sing at their loved ones funeral. Wilma loved our songs we sing at church and she was always such a great inspiration.

Brother Brad did the services and he was so great. He told a story about Wilma's last few weeks that really touched me, and helped me with some disappointments to come later in my day. Wilma was in so much pain at some points of her last few weeks Brad said, with every breath she would just cry out in pain. The nurse working the late night shift had to come in and take Wilma's vital signs. Wilma couldn't hardly sleep because of the pain but when this young woman came into the room Brad said that Wilma put her pain on the back burner. He said Wilma told the young woman that she would be ok she was taken care of, but Wilma asked her did she know Jesus Christ?

Wow. To be so strong in your faith to not question why but only to yearn for others to know Christ as well. I still had one more song to sing when Brad told this story and it touched me. Wilma knew God's direction for her life. She didn't question or complain that God let her have cancer. Instead she used it to work for God. Wilma had such a wonderful testimony for the Lord. I was barely able to make it through our last song after that without breaking down but God helped me through it, and I'm sure Wilma did as well.

Now if you've been reading my blog lately you might know that Chris was applying for a job working for the City. He went Thursday night for his interview and the board of alderman were to vote and notify the person who got the job today. We were at Wilma's funeral most of the day so Chris was not answering his cell phone. Chris stopped by City Hall on his way home to check up with them and was informed he had not gotten the job. There were two other applicants applying that interviewed as well as Chris last night. I was so disappointed when Chris told me, and I know he was as well.

We printed out a year end financial report and had a meeting tonight with Chris's mom and dad. We owe Chris's dad $21,000 right now. We were able to show his parents how the business is doing in it's first nine months. The future for the gun & pawnshop looks so bright. The dim part is our personal finances. We were really hoping for Chris to get this job. Since he didn't we are both really at a loss for which direction we should go. God's will is not always so clear and I just don't understand. I feel like we are really really trying to live a good Christian life and raise our family to love God. When we found out Chris didn't get this job we were both lost and angry.

Now that I've had more time to think about it Wilma keeps coming to my mind. Even now that she is no longer with us she is still doing good. I have to seek Gods direction. I'm feeling lost right now I know, because I had my sights set on this one thing. It was not Gods will or Chris would be heading to work Monday morning. I also know I can't sit around crying and questioning this. I need to say "ok God you're right you know best," and I need to crack open my Bible and dig. That is the only way I can make sense of this and find the right direction in which to travel. Besides if I'm angry and discouraged then I'm sure that's not going to make Chris feel any better about it.

Anyone out there reading this please say a prayer for my family. I praise God for my church family and for other friends I have. I know God will lead us in the right direction. Sometimes its just so hard to get there without some shoulders to cry on.